So it’s the middle of the night, and like usual, I can’t sleep. I’m watching old David Blaine specials and I got to thinking. It’s gotta be kind of annoying to be David Blaine’s friend. You can’t bitch about anything without him topping it:
“Boy, it sure is cold out tonight.”
“Eh, it’s not as bad as when I spent 3 days in a block of ice.”
“Silly me. Say, you want to go get a bite? I missed lunch today. Getting kinda hungry.”
“Nah, I’m good. I spent 44 days in a box with no food, remember? I really don’t need to eat that much anymore.”
“Yeah, I forgot about all that. Well anyway, I’m glad to be out of the office. Sitting in a cubicle for 8 hours really gets to you.”
“Think that’s tough? Try being buried alive for a week.”
“I get it. Just trying to make conversation. Did I tell you I quit smoking? I’m getting sick of not being able to breathe after walking up a flight of stairs.”
“You wanna talk not breathing? I held my breath for 7 minutes underwater. While escaping from handcuffs. After being underwater for a week! That’s tough.”
“Yeah, I get it, okay? You’ve done a lot. It’s been tough. Good for you.”
“What about the time I stood on a 90 foot high pillar for 35 hours or the time I hung upside-down for 60 hours with no safety net?”
“You’re an asshole.”
“Did I mention the gyroscope?”
“Goodbye.”
“Something I said…?”
I need to sleep now. Gotta be well rested for the Kimbo Slice fight!
Andster